What does it really mean to "leave and cleave?"

Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

 My sister and I were having a text conversation the other day about what it means to "leave and cleave," as is discussed in the Bible in both Genesis and Mark. (Sara and I had the exact same view about it btw) Adam and I had this very verse at our wedding during the sermon. It doesn't mean that upon being pronounced husband and wife you immediately tell your parents, "Peace out, you don't matter anymore." It simply means that from that point on, you and your new spouse are ONE, and the two of you come before any other relationship. It means you support your spouse no matter what. One can privately disagree with their spouse, but publicly stick up for them NO MATTER WHAT. In every marriage, you are going to have things that one spouse makes a decision about, whether it be financial, lifestyle, you name it, that you might feel like the other person messed up on, but support them. I am guilty of accidentally not fully sticking up for something Adam decided for our family once, and I regret that. He has done the same without meaning to. It's all a learning process of being married. At the end of the day we choose one another first, and everything and everyone else comes second.
In thinking on this topic, I came across an excellent article that I want to share here. Here is the actual link to the article, but I will copy some of the main points here. Again, I did not write this article. The author is Chad Hall.

Some great points from the article to ponder on:

1. Count the cost and be willing to pay the price.  Putting your spouse first, ahead of your parents, can cause anxiety for some newly married folks (and for some who’ve been married a very long time).  True enough.  Nobody said this would be easy.  It can be hard.  I encourage newly- or soon-to-be-married couples to face the fact that cutting the cord with mom and dad is going to be hard.  Welcome to marriage, a relationship that requires hard work.  If you don’t want to difficult things, then don’t get married (or endeavor much of anything else in life).
Admit that that choosing your spouse over your parents is going to be a challenge.  Admit that your parents might be hurt, even angry.  Whatever the topic, admit to yourself that your parents might be right (and your spouse wrong), that you might agree with your parents (and not your spouse), and/or that taking sides with your spouse may make you look like a fool.  Admit these realities and then choose your spouse over your parents anyway.
2. Look for the early win.  When my wife and I first married, we moved into a humble house that we called ‘home.’  When my parents first came to see our new home, I met them in the driveway and walked them to the front door.  Before going in, I said, “I’m really glad you came by, but before I let you in, I want you to know something.  You are welcome to come by anytime you’d like, and we value your visits.  However, this is our home, and so your opinions are not welcome; please leave those at your house.  If that’s a problem, I’d prefer you stay home with your opinions.”  My wife was a bit mortified at my boldness, but my parents appreciated the strong stand and have honored it for the nearly twenty years I’ve been married.
Taking a stand for your spouse will not get any easier than it is at the beginning of your marriage.  Siding with your spouse in a strong, visible, and potent way early (even before the wedding) will set the tone for the new kind of relationship you have with your parents.
3. Don’t apologize for your spouse.  I’ve counseled too many married men who apologize for siding with their wife.  Doing so usually sounds something like, “You know, I would prefer X, but my wife really wants Y.  Sorry.  I’m sure Y is not the best thing, but I should go with her wishes, otherwise there’ll be hell to pay.”  What a wimp!
When we treasure our spouse and honor our vows to “be one” with her, we cannot and do not offer apologies for siding with her.  We make no apologies for putting her first.  And we never air spousal disagreements with others (including our own parents).  One of the core parenting principles is that parents should always present a unified front in childrearing.  The same principle is no less true when relating to our parents.  If you disagree with your spouse, tell her, not your parents.  It dishonors your spouse and drives a harmful wedge between the two of you—whether she learns of your apology or not.
There are many other keys to a great marriage, but the way we relate to parents is especially important because it demonstrates the lengths to which we will go to put our spouse first.  What about you?  To what lengths will you go?  To what lengths are you going?  Where are you coming up short?

Valentine's Day 2014

I worked in a Hallmark store throughout high school and then when I went off to college they would let me come work when I came home at Christmas. I loved Valentine's back then, but something changed. I guess maybe from working there for so long I feel like I just started seeing it as such a corporate holiday. I mean, why do you have to have a day that you get guilted into showing others that you love them? As a result of that, Adam and I have never really done the whole Valentine's thing. I remember one year when we still lived in Arizona that we went to our favorite restaurant, Pappadeax's Seafood Kitchen, and we were shocked to see what a large crowd there was, as it was a random weeknight. We then realized it was Valentine's Day, haha!
Anyways, since having Sadie I have become much more of a Valentine's fan! Especially now that she is older and starting to understand it. Last night she and I put together her teacher gifts, including the cards that she chose very carefully for each one. She then helped put together all the Valentine's for her classmates, which included dog tattoos and skittles lol! She is such a trip!
We wound up having leftover dog tattoos, so after her bath she got a whole row of tattoos on her arm, haha! After I got her to bed, I made some heart shaped chocolate chip pancakes for her for the morning. I am SO not a morning person so I had to do this the night before and just have ready to quickly heat up. :) I also ordered her a shirt that I found-purple with a horse on it! Something that combines her two favortie things in the world! I got her gift all wrapped up and her card together, and then headed off to bed.
This morning I got up and got myself ready, then got her pancakes out. I got her up and took her to the table, where I had everything waiting for her. She was so excited!

These shots are from my new Canon G1x, which is a top of the line point and shoot, but I am still trying to figure out the nitty gritty on it, so these are not the best photos. Anyways, enjoy though!

After breakfast, she got dressed in her new purple horse shirt, and we headed off to school. Adam had dropped off all the teacher gifts, Valentine's, and the bananas that we brought for her class party, to save me from having to figure out how to lug all that in with just one arm. She was excited to show her teachers her shirt, so had an easier time with me leaving her today. (She'd been home with me for a week and a half following surgery, so we really got used to just hanging out. Her first day back, Thusday, was really hard on both of us!)

Today at the office I made chocolate covered strawberries, as they are one of our favorites, but especially Sadie's. Well, I went to Super One yesterday to get bananas for her class so picked up strawberries there as well. Not a good idea-it was slim pickings and the basket that I wound up with turned out to be more bad than good. Bummer. To top that off, I did not take into account that the work microwave would not let me adjust power while melting the chocolate, so I wound up burning the chocolate. Needless to say, NOT my best batch of chocolate covered strawberries ever. Sadie was still excited when I waked in the door with them, though, and had one right away.

Today was a hard day for me pain wise with my shoulder. This morning when I got out of the shower I attempted to wrap my hair in a towel, as I always do, and accidentally pushed too hard with the left arm, and really hurt myself. It set me off for a pain filled day. So, Valentine's to me is having a husband that let me crawl in bed the moment I walked in the door, cooked dinner, and is now entertaining her. THAT is what love is.

Hope however you celebrated, it was a good one!                                                                                                                                                       

Don't give headspace to negativity

My dad is a smart guy. I may not have thought that when I was 16, but I do now. :) He always says, "Don't give headspace to negativity." Such wise words that I like to live by. I think about something and then move on. Why dwell? What good does it do you?
So how can one become more positive and focus less on the negative? Think about things that make you happy. Do things that you enjoy. Write down things that you love about yourself. Don't focus on the bad, or what you DON'T have. Focus on the good and all the blessing you have.
When I was in college I was part of a phych group that got to work on a project called "The Happiness Project AKA Positive Psychology." It was really cool, and I learned a lot! You can check out the website if you are interested to see how you rate. I was curious, so I retook the test, and scored a 4.08 out of 5. I must be pretty happy! :)
The website, if you are interested is here.

Things that make me happy:
Sadie
Adam
Travel
Taking pictures
Taking pictures while I travel
Drinking wine
Drinking wine with friends
Taking pictures of wine while I travel

That's all for tonight! :)

Remember that you control you own happiness!

So lucky

I'm so blessed that God chose ME to be Sadie's mom. All week she's been so understanding with me about my surgery. She has laid sweetly in bed with me and waited patiently for me to wake up. She's played quietly inside and not complained once. Maybe that's nothing exceptional, but I am so thankful that she can be so little still, and have such a sweet and caring heart. She's got such an adaptable personality, and really aims to please. If she hurts you or hurts your feelings, she quickly wants to comfort you and say she's so sorry. I constantly tell her how thankful I am for her, how much I love her, and that I am proud of her. It's so important to me as a parent to give her positive feedback and words of encouragement. 

We have done a lot of art projects this week and a lot of playing with her horses, puzzles, and blocks. ( I'm glad it was so cold out, that helped with needing to stay inside!) Even though I felt (and still feel) crummy, having her made it so much better!

Shoulder surgery

In case you missed it, I had shoulder surgery on Monday, February 3rd. In September I hurt my left shoulder while swimming. They did an MRI and found a ton of inflammation and a cyst. We tried about ten weeks of physical therapy, a failed steroid injection (got what's called a steroid flare instead of it helping-very painful!) and finally realized that surgery was the only answer at that point. The day I finally came to terms with the fact that I needed surgery was after a full day of photographing and coming home in such pain that I just said, "that's it, I can't keep living in constant pain." I emailed the Dr the next day and she gave me the name of several surgeons. I asked around and was told to use Dr Hobbs, who is the chief of orthopedics at Mother Frances here in Tyler. I met with him the morning after Sadie and I got back from Arizona. He is one of those doctors that you can tell knows a lot and is all business. There was no chit chat-it was basically like, ok let's get you fixed! I think the visit was maybe 5 minutes total! All I really knew was that he'd decompress the cyst and then look around to figure out what else needed done and fix it. He had a spot that had just opened up for Feb 3rd (just a mere week and a half later!) and I said, "let's do it!" I was ready to just get it over with before wedding season started. With just a week and a half, it didn't give me much time to google like I'd had prior to my nose surgery in 2011. 

We called my mother in law and she said she would be able to come up to help with Sadie. Everything just kinda fell into place. I was doing great and not googling at all until the Wednesday prior to surgery when I called one of my clients who reminded me that his wife passed away from staph infection following surgery at the same hospital. I started to have a minor ( ok major) freak out and started googling like crazy. After some calming down from dr and nurse friends via Facebook, I was ok again and stopped googling. 

The Saturday before surgery I got a haircut and did a little shopping with Sadie. The pre opp nurse had suggested that I get a zip up Walmart moo moo for after the surgery and I was like ummm no, not going to happen. I went to Soma as I still had gift cards from Christmas and instead found a size extra large super soft button up long sleeve shirt for $18 on clearance. Much better than a moo moo! Ha! 

Sunday I wore myself out cleaning every nook and cranny of the house. I washed duvet covers, sheets, towels, blankets, cleaned the floors Cindarella style, wiped down door handles, etc. I wanted to make sure the house was completely germ free! When that was done I went to Fresh and got food for the week. I decided to meal prep for myself (even though I knew Adam and my mother in law would feed me). I wanted to make sure I had healthy, fresh food that were high in antioxidants and that were good anti inflammatory food choices. I baked chicken and then cut it up into bite size pieces (since I knew a fork and knife would be a tad difficult with just one arm) and then had Adam vaccum seal them into 4 oz portions. I then cut up bags of broccoli, carrots, and red pepper. I also cooked some quinoa and portioned that into 1/3 cup ziplock bags. I bought a lot of fresh berries as well and got them all cleaned and dried in portioned bags. 

All day long I drank a TON of water since you can't have anything after midnight the night before even if surgery isn't till late in the day. 

The morning of surgery I slept in as late as I could as I didn't want to have to sit around thinking about how thirsty and hungry I was. At one point I heard the house phone ring but didn't bother to get up to answer as pretty much only telemarketers call it. I got up around 9:30 and slowly got things together, washed my sheets so they'd be nice and fresh when I got home. Pam (mother in law) and I got Sadie off to school then headed to the hospital. I checked in and they took me back quickly. Even though it was 11:40 and my surgery was not until 2, they said they were ready for me! WHAT?!! Apparently they had a last minute cancelation and they said they tried calling but they didn't have a good number for me ( um ok I've only had the same cell for 7 years and they always call that, but then I realize they asked me the Friday before in pre opp if I had a home phone so I gave it to them-why they weren't smart enough to try my cell is beyond me) Anyways, they said get changed and we will get things going. Yikes! Great news that I didn't have to wait around but my husband wasn't even out of class yet! Eek! I gave them my mother in law's cell for them to communicate with her, and before I knew it they gave me the versed and a couple different anti nausea meds and we were headed to the OR. The next thing I knew, I was in recovery and in immense pain. They had done a nerve block, but I guess it didn't work. The anthestiologist came back and did another block and they shot me up with pain meds. The new block worked for maybe 20 minutes then was useless again. That was a bummer considering it was supposed to help for 12-24 hours! It took another couple doses of meds and I was finally not in as much pain. They told me that Adam had arrived but that I'd have to wait to see him until a room freed up in the other recovery area. It took forever! I slowly drank some cranberry juice and it made me pretty nauseous so they gave me more nausea meds. Finally we got news that a room was available so off we went. They said I had to eat a cracker and use the restroom before I could go home so I took a few bites and immediately proceeded to puke all over myself. That was awful. Adam had tried so hard to grab something, but I couldn't hold it and he couldn't find something quickly enough. So not fun. They got me cleaned up and got some 7up and let it get flat and that helped. I was finally able to eat a cracker and use the restroom which meant I could go home- yay! We got everything together and Adam pulled the car around while they wheeled me out. We swung by CVS on the way home to drop off my pain med prescription. As soon as we got home I took some phenagren that we luckily had at the house already. I was sooo nauseous! Adam got me settled in bed and then ran back to the pharmacy to get my meds. I took just one as soon as he got home with them, as two seemed like a lot. I soon regretted this, and took another. I ate a little dinner and wound up puking again. I took more phenagren and went to sleep. The night was rough, but I was naturally waking up around the times for the next dose, so I'd wake up, take more meds, and then drift back off to sleep. The last time I woke up in the night was at 3 am and then I accidentally went the full 6 hours until 9 am. This set the tone for my day of being in pain and I still don't feel like I've caught up on it. So not fun. I've got an alarm set for the next time I need to take them so that I can stay ontop of it tonight and tomorrow. I gave Sadie her shower as she was really missing me, thus taking it out on my mother in law and acting out. She was better once I was with her and Adam was home. It can't be easy for a 4 year old to comprehend how mommy can be home but can't really play and do the things we normally do. 

Update as of Wednesday morning: I did a tad better last night. I set the alarm for every 3 hours and took one pill every 3 instead of two every 6. I still feel like I can't get ahead of the pain though. It's rough. :( 

On the upside, I'm very glad I meal prepped! I've been able to quickly grab a healthy bite to eat. I got to play with Sadie this morning so that was good. She came in my room and sweetly cuddled with me and then we went out to the kitchen and had cereal together. After that we played horses and I enjoyed a little coffee for the first time in a couple days. Sadie has had a hard time not spending a lot of time with me so it was nice to sit and play with her. Now I'm back in my room and ready for a nap. Hopefully I'll just continue to get better as the days go by. Definitely harder recovery than I imagined! 

Oh and the phone call from the dr to my mother in law was very quick so she didn't get much from it, but apparently I had a frayed bicep tendon that he repaired in addition up decompressing the cyst. So glad it was not torn! Can't imagine how much worse a test would have been!

Playing dress up

Tonight Sadie and I played dress up. She picked clothes out for me, including high heels with my socks and pants. :) She requested that we take some photos, and I taught her the definition of "selfie." Ha!

Enjoy these pics!

My skirt, pants, and shoes

Our selfie with my crown :)

Sadie with her dogs

Sadie with her cape and dogs. Love her!

Heartbreaking words from my 4 year old

It's been weighing on my heart for weeks. Now I know why. Last night Sadie said to me, "Mom, you are always thinking about pictures and you never have time to play with me." It's true. She's 100 percent correct. If I'm not away from her shooting, I'm editing. It's always, "in a minute sweetheart, mommy just needs to finish editing these pictures," or, "I'll be back soon, I just have to go take pictures." Lately she cries whenever I leave to go shoot a wedding or engagement session. The guilt is overwhelming. If I didn't have a day job, it wouldn't be so bad, but since I work all day and then edit at night and take photos on the weekend, it means a lot of time away from my little girl. I've been trying to make a point to set my phone down the moment we walk in the door in the evenings and just focus on her, and clearly it's time for more than just a break from the phone. I just finished editing the engagement photos that I took in AZ and am officially taking a break from photos. I'm having surgery in a week, so one could say it was forced, but hearing those words last night were so powerful that I think even if I wasn't being forced to take a break I would be. I won't ever get these years back with her, and she has to be number one. One of these days I'll photograph full time and won't have the day job, but until that day comes, I am going to start really limiting my shooting schedule. My sweet Sadie is too important.